Add another chronic illness to my repertoire of conditions - asthma. Or at least I'm led to believe I have asthma. Some initial tests revealed nothing out of the ordinary, but then later on my doctor prescribed an inhaler and told me to come back in for a follow-up appointment. This sucks...quite literally.
I expressed to some of my friends my feeling that this was a punishment by the universe for some slight I have done (though I have no idea which one), and although they have reassured me it is not, for some reason the idea still lingers. Perhaps it is because I'm not the best at caring for myself, as I mentioned in my last post. I know no one is perfect in caring for themselves, but...well, what's it take, huh? And why can't I find the strength to do what it takes?
Perhaps it is this frustration with myself that inspired me to do something that was formerly outside of my comfort zone today: I attended an actual service at the Hindu Temple of Rochester today, the Pradosham. I admit I had much anxiety about attending it today, but that anxiety turned into calm during the service. And I think I know why.
If I remember correctly, the purpose of the Pradosham is to cleanse oneself of negative karma. Maybe the reason I felt drawn to this particular service is to remind myself that I don't need to be perfect...that since no one is perfect, everyone can be equal in the eyes of God(s). And that even if I can't take perfect care of myself, I can still be a decent, genuinely human being.
I did enjoy the service, yes, but it took until just now to realize why I wanted to go to this service in particular. It is because I was taught something by it: as long as I am sincere, I do not need to regret anything!