I know I'm not perfect, but oftentimes it seems the world keeps demanding me to be such. All I can do is improve, but even so it seems I've reached my limit, a plateau.
I've done better with controlling my diabetes, but even so, I've faltered with diet on occasion. I've tried to be a better person socially, but I've seemed to have failed with that. Even with my meditation and prayers to Lord Ganesha, it seems as if my dedication is falling away. Am I doing better? Yes, better emotionally than I have in a long time. Still, it seems as if the improvements I've made to my life are too little, too late. That fact threatens to erode all I've worked for so far.
It is in a time like this, I wonder...what is it that I have to offer the world? Why has God not made me perfect, so I can better contribute to the world? What could the world possibly have to gain from my flawed being? I honestly do not know the answer to that question.
Is the world asking too much of me, or am I asking too much of the world? What is my role or place in it all? It seems in light of my repeated mistakes and failings of moral character and willpower the answers to all of my questions of existence grow ever more distant.
I wish and pray for some sort of sign, something that will tell me that even the way I am now is of some benefit to the universe. Problem is, I wouldn't know such a sign unless it was blatantly obvious and metaphorically slapped me in the face. Or perhaps my mind is too much like a sieve and I keep forgetting something I've discovered already, I don't know.
I keep questing, but I keep stumbling. I know I'm on the right path, but I don't think I have the stamina to walk it.
My thoughts keep bouncing to and fro. But my overall question remains: why am I imperfect in a world that seeks perfection from me?