I'm guessing that I probably gave a few readers a scare last night. First thing I want to say is that I'm doing better now. Had time to calm down and talk to some people, namely family and friends. After I calmed down I sort of realized something regarding responsibility. It's an important lesson I need to do better in remembering.
That lesson is: there's a difference between being responsible for one's own actions...and expecting oneself to be perfect. Last blog post I think I was expecting myself to be perfect as opposed to responsible.
I have flaws. This I know. Somehow I keep expecting something to miraculously happen to get rid of them. I know that won't happen, even though my heart keeps wanting it. I know there's no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to character flaws.
Still, though, I think I may have set my standards too high when it comes to myself, and in so doing I was priming myself for self-destruction. I know no one else will "cure" me of my character flaws. But you know what? They don't need to be instantly "cured." Just worked on. I know I shouldn't set my standards too low either. However, setting them too high can have the same debilitating effects as too low.
I guess I was too hard on myself. I still have to learn not to be too soft, but again, it doesn't have to be right this moment. To quote the movie X-Men: First Class: "true power lies somewhere between rage and serenity."