I know the God(s) of Hinduism don't really abandon their followers, at least to my knowledge...with divinity being in everything, how could God(s) do so anyway? However, lately I've been wondering...if Lord Ganesha even cares about me at all...
Inconceivable, right? I know in my mind it is. But my heart is telling me something different. Which is the opposite way of how it works for most people - their hearts give them hope while their minds are the pessimistic organs. For some reason it's reversed with me...I have to keep thinking myself out of depressive states, keep my mind occupied, so my heart doesn't go to horrible emotions and depression.
Anyway, the point is that lately my emotions have been labile - I know I said that in previous blog posts but for some reason it's intensified. I have happy periods in my day, and I know I have little to be sad about right now. Still, my crying episodes have become more frequent, my energy has decreased further, and I feel like I just don't want to do much of anything.
What's sort of scary about this is that thinking of or meditating on Lord Ganesha either doesn't help, or only helps for a short burst during my sad, depressed periods. That is what is causing these feelings of abandonment. Lord Ganesha probably hasn't abandoned me...it just doesn't seem like His style to suddenly up and leave a follower of his. Still, I can't seem to shake these feelings that something is amiss...
I still need Lord Ganesha to get me through the problems in life...I'm not ready to do everything on my own.
You're right to think that Ganesh is always with you =) The feeling of absence may actually be caused by the very state of depression you are in - It's creating too much emotional and psychological noise for you to "hear" Ganesha's comforting voice or "feel" his warm embrace.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teenager I went through a very dark time and I was convinced that God had abandoned me. Now that I am older and have more clarity, I look back a realize that Devi was with me the whole time, trying to get me through everything, but I was too engrossed in my own misery to hear.
How do you tune your ears to the divine again? Stop thinking about yourself - your miseries - and try for even just a short while to help someone else - be it through an online charity or participating in person. Helping others is sure to lift the spirits.
That, and again, my advice would be to get professional medical help if you have access to it and if these feelings of depression persist. God has enriched our lives with doctors who have the skills to help the pains of the body and the mind.
Hang in there.