My progression towards the emotional abyss continues...
First the deterioration of diplomatic relations between the US and Indian governments...and now an American professor's book, Wendy Doniger's "The Hindus: An Alternative History" (which I will not link to here for reasons I shall explain) is being recalled and pulped in India, as it was considered a direct attack on Hindu religion.
You're probably wondering what this has to do with me, why I'm so emotionally distraught over this. I haven't even read the book, so I can't render a direct opinion on it...even so, it's India's right to react how it wants to such texts, so I have no objections to their actions.
But what it has to do with me is that it's further evidence that who I was born as - a white male American citizen, the same people who apparently harbor such hatred of India and Hinduism and inflict damage on it whenever they can - that my identities are a punishment from God!
I want to love India and Hinduism, and its associated culture. I do dearly now and nothing will change that. But as my fellow countrymen prove time and time again, people like me do not deserve to be loved back.
I wish I could fight back against them. Not with violence, mind you, but I wish I could change their thinking, change their perceptions, change their attitude somehow. But I'm an impotent coward who melts when talking to such people. I completely break down in their presence and don't know what to do. And for that reason, I am a failure.
Because of my failure, I will forever be condemned to being the identities I was born as. A punishment that grows in its torture by the day! I honestly wonder what kind of past life I might have led to deserve this torture. Was I someone like Hitler? Or Custer?
I've been judged and I deserve to be judged. I don't know what I can do to redeem myself.
Why am I the way I am, God? Why am I so impotent? Why am I being punished like this? Why...