Sunday, February 23, 2014

To Whom am I a Disciple?

Namaste readers!

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of formal conversion lately. I know many say formal conversion is not necessary to become a Hindu, while others say it's extremely necessary.

These thoughts have entered my mind recently because I was thinking a formal conversion might be to my benefit - if anyone questions my sincerity, I can look to my conversion and say, "it doesn't get more sincere than that!" I just don't know which groups are willing to accept me beyond the Art of Living.

This conundrum reminds me of the Hindu saying "it is not the disciple who chooses the guru, it is the guru who chooses the disciple." But it's not like a guru will suddenly appear out of the blue and say I am his disciple. Still, how do I search for a guru if I can't make the decision myself?

I need some advice on the situation - should I formally convert, and to which Hindu group? It's a rather personal question, I know, but I honestly don't know what to think.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Language of God(s)

Namaste, readers.

I honestly don't know what Sri Ganesha and the other Gods are trying to tell me. The bottom has sunken further beneath me, as I've been cut from full-time to part-time at work, greatly reducing my income and my ability to be independent.

That's pretty much the biggest problem I'm facing right now, and it's pretty significant, but it's been making me wonder why things have happened the way they have been to me. I have several theories, but I have no way of telling which one is correct.

Perhaps Sri Ganesha wanted to teach me what real problems were like, as opposed to my quibbling over my inborn human identities. I'm not sure how valid this theory is - why try to teach me about suffering by compounding it? Wouldn't that obscure the message?

However, a friend of mine did say that perhaps this is a sign that maybe I should start fighting back...since I only have part-time hours now, I have more time to find a better job I actually like to do more. Combined with the prior theory, it actually makes sense. Perhaps Sri Ganesha is compounding the suffering to teach me that I should do something about it!

I'm just not sure how best to go about it. I've made several job applications; some have been turned down already, but many I simply haven't heard back. I have hope and faith that something good will happen, but the rational side of my mind says not to count on it. I'm like Fox Mulder from the X-Files...I want to believe.

I do believe in Sri Ganesha, Sri Krishna, Maa Saraswati, and the others...I just don't know what they're trying to tell me, what they have in store for me, or whatever. Deciphering the language of God(s) is always tricky. But if any of you readers have input, I'd love to hear it.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Further Down the Spiral

My progression towards the emotional abyss continues...

First the deterioration of diplomatic relations between the US and Indian governments...and now an American professor's book, Wendy Doniger's "The Hindus: An Alternative History" (which I will not link to here for reasons I shall explain) is being recalled and pulped in India, as it was considered a direct attack on Hindu religion.

You're probably wondering what this has to do with me, why I'm so emotionally distraught over this. I haven't even read the book, so I can't render a direct opinion on it...even so, it's India's right to react how it wants to such texts, so I have no objections to their actions.

But what it has to do with me is that it's further evidence that who I was born as - a white male American citizen, the same people who apparently harbor such hatred of India and Hinduism and inflict damage on it whenever they can - that my identities are a punishment from God!

I want to love India and Hinduism, and its associated culture. I do dearly now and nothing will change that. But as my fellow countrymen prove time and time again, people like me do not deserve to be loved back.

I wish I could fight back against them. Not with violence, mind you, but I wish I could change their thinking, change their perceptions, change their attitude somehow. But I'm an impotent coward who melts when talking to such people. I completely break down in their presence and don't know what to do. And for that reason, I am a failure.

Because of my failure, I will forever be condemned to being the identities I was born as. A punishment that grows in its torture by the day! I honestly wonder what kind of past life I might have led to deserve this torture. Was I someone like Hitler? Or Custer?

I've been judged and I deserve to be judged. I don't know what I can do to redeem myself.

Why am I the way I am, God? Why am I so impotent? Why am I being punished like this? Why...

Monday, January 27, 2014

...But it Isn't Yet

Okay, after that last depressing blog post inspired by the opening for season five of Fringe, I feel it is my duty to you readers to post this. Hopefully it will lift your spirits after my last post. :)
Happiness may be becoming a "fringe" thought, but it isn't yet, so let's enjoy it while we can.

When Happiness Becomes a Fringe Thought

Namaste readers,

Recently I have just started watching the TV series known as Fringe, and I've been enjoying it immensely. I'm only up to episode six so far...I know, I have a lot of catching up to do. But I've done a little reading up on the series, and while I didn't read enough to spoil all the seasons and the ending, I did read that the intro for the fifth and final season is different from the others.

Here it is:
Apparently the text in the season five opening represents ideas that have become the "fringe" in the setting of the TV show. In other words, by the time the story progresses to season five, things like joy, imagination, and even the very concept of freedom have all become "fringe" ideas.

The time setting for season five is the year 2036. Yet here we are in 2014...and the ideas in this TV intro are already being pushed to the fringe. It's not just happening in America, either. The whole world is in the process of making these ideas seem like those of a lunatic fringe.

Yes, I'm scared about the future. And I don't see much hope either. I know some say we should focus on the present...that the present holds the key to happiness. But when the present society seems keen on pushing the idea of happiness outside of its possibilities...what else will follow happiness on its way out?

Okay, this post is getting a bit depressing, and I'm starting to sound like a hypocrite. It's just hard to maintain a state of functionality when happiness seems to be the antithesis of progress. I honestly don't know what to do.

Friday, January 10, 2014

My Own Personal Hell: An Open Letter to US Attorney for Southern District of New York Preet Bharara (and the Rest of the US Government)

(Namaste readers,

The reason why this blog post is titled the way it is, is because I am going to send copies of this post, slightly modified, to whichever US government officials I can get in touch with to protest the arrest of Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade, and the fallout it has created between the US and India. This incident has been highly damaging to my mental health for reasons I shall cite below, and I feel it is my right as a human being and American citizen to express the mental hurt the US government has caused me as a result of this incident. If you can, please share this far and wide. Even and especially as a white male American citizen, the actions of my government have tainted me as a human being and I will not let this be ignored by them.

EDIT: Preet Bharara's title has been corrected. He is NOT the US Attorney General, at least not according to a Google search.)

Dear US Attorney for Southern District of New York Preet Bharara, and other concerned US government officials,

My name is Phillip Miner, and I live in Rochester, NY. I was born and raised in this city, which has been at times called an "All-American City" by its own marketers, although the minor league hockey team Rochester, NY has, called the Rochester Americans, certainly helps with the nickname.

As much as I love my country and want to be part of it, though, it is important to note that I did not choose to be born here. It was by the will of the universe - I don't know if you want to call it God or not - that I was born in Rochester, in New York state, in the country of the United States of America, as a human male with a skin color commonly called "white." It is these identities that have been the source of much of my strife as of late, in no small part thanks to the actions of USA government officials who claim to represent me and commit injustices seemingly on my behalf.

The most recent of these injustices was the arrest and ill-treatment of Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade. As a result of the actions surrounding her case, other people from around the world have associated me, because of the aforementioned human identities I was assigned, with the other grave injustices the US government has committed around the world. Whether or not the association is justified, it is still my reality.

It is my reality because of the fact that I am a white male American citizen, and it means whether I like it or not, I have a lot to answer for. As someone who benefits from white skin privilege in this country and beyond, I know it is my moral duty as a human being to dismantle this white privilege system that has oppressed others in whatever ways I can, because I benefit. I was born guilty of racism and inhumanity because of this fact. I also want to redeem myself and show the world that I do not want the benefits of white privilege, that I can rise above and beyond the racist system that some of my fellow countrymen have constructed for the benefit of people like me. A benefit I do not want, I must say again.

When international relations are soured through such negligence and wanton disregard for rights as the arrest and ill-treatment of Devyani Khobragade, it denies me the opportunity to make things right. It shatters any and all progress I've made of cleansing myself of the sins of the past. It reminds me that no personal progress I make towards becoming anti-racist and a moral human being matters, because there is always an authority that acts on my behalf, who represents me, whose actions always override anything I do.

I know the United States of America is a democracy, and therefore what the majority of people want and decide upon in elections is what commonly goes into effect as law. You might defend your decisions by saying "this is what the people want," and I should live with it. However, it is important to note that an important aspect of freedom - which you claim to uphold - is freedom of association, the freedom to interact with other people who one desires to.

Actions such as the arrest of the Indian diplomat deny me of this right. Even if the rest of my countrymen do not want cordial relations with India - and if you merely go by what is posted on Internet forums, they seemingly do not, although the Internet is rarely representative of reality - to act with wanton disregard for international relations denies me of the right to free association, because of the fact that it taints my image in the eyes of people from other countries.

I want to talk about patriotism for a moment. Patriotism has a very broad definition, and does not simply mean blind nationalism. It can also mean representing the best of one's country, to show that one's country can adapt - to not only be a sword when injustice elsewhere in the world is present, but also a shield to be a genuine protector of other people. This means that being cognizant and respectful of other nations' cultures, honor, and values, can be patriotic, because it shows one's home nation is tolerant, and therefore worthy of respect. Isn't this why the Peace Corps was originally founded decades back? To show that Americans are generally tolerant, peaceful, and willing to help other nations?

One of the fundamental freedoms Americans enjoy today is the opportunity to be patriotic in ways we, as citizens, want to express. And not just the nationalistic citizens, but ones who want to put forward a positive image of Americans as well. Incidents like the arrest of the Indian diplomat jeopardize that freedom.

I know a lot has happened since the initial incident and much has been written on it since then, but my points still stand. What the US government does in its relations with other nations personally affects the lives of those who live here. Therefore it is of vital importance that the US government do whatever it can to repair its relations with India and the rest of the world.

Otherwise, the United States of America becomes one's own personal Hell for people like me.

Sincerely,

Phillip Miner

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Stayin' Alive

Namaste readers,

Sorry if that last post left you on a bit of a cliffhanger. I am actually doing much better than when I wrote that post, though it took a few days. Shadows always give way to light eventually.

The main reason I haven't updated this blog until now, though, is because I've been busy with other projects. One of these projects is another blog I've made - this new blog is a fan blog about the board game Level 7: Omega Protocol. Obviously this blog has been made to appeal to fans of the game and its genre, but feel free to check it out if you're curious. You can find it here, at Aliens vs. Disco.

I can't write much more at this very moment, but suffice it to say that keeping busy has been the key to lifting me out of the depression I was previously in. I'll try to keep updating this blog as much as possible, but the pace might be slower. Hope you don't mind...it most likely means I'm keeping myself happy with other tasks. :)