Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Doing it Wrong?

Something tells me I've done something horribly wrong recently, either by accident or ineptitude...I won't share specifics on here, but suffice it to say I'm feeling rather anxious and jumpy at the moment.

I know we're supposed to live in the present moment and enjoy it, but sometimes, it's hard to do, especially when the topic of karma comes up. I also know we're not perfect, but sometimes in real life that doesn't matter if the accidental transgression was serious enough. It can be hard to stay calm when the prospect of having done a wrong action by accident hangs over your head like the Sword of Damocles.

I might be working myself into a tizzy for nothing, or maybe I'm right to feel this way because I truly did something wrong. Either way, it can be unbearable at times to wait in suspense for the consequences. I've always been afraid of the rules of karma and their hidden math because at times in my past, my ineptitude resulted in some horrible things happening to me. Intent never seems to matter - no matter your disposition, even if one is ignorant of the consequences of one's actions, the action itself makes you feel the full backlash.

That is why I'm always afraid of doing something wrong, even by accident. I always judge and scrutinize my actions when it comes to other people, because I'm so cautious when it comes to karma. It's hard to live in the present when you're constantly monitoring your karmic future, but I'm too sensitive to the pains of life to just let the chips fall where they may.

I guess all I can do right now though is hope for the best...and try to keep the worst happening from dominating my mind. It's easier said than done.

1 comment:

  1. I guess karma IS a scary thing, but I hold on to my conviction that we just have to do the best we can, ask forgiveness when we do wrong (and we're aware of our mistake) and learn to forgive ourselves for imperfection. (How'm I doing? If not helping, then, *hug* because at least you don't let selfishness rule you :) )