For this post on Light Club, I'm going to go into a rather personal topic. This topic is why the Hindu deity of Ganesha appeals to me and why I've been chanting Ganesha mantras. No one has specifically asked me why, but I figured I'd wrote my thoughts down in case the question ever comes up.
One answer for those who are familiar with Ganesha mythology might be obvious, considering my desire to be a writer: in some myths Ganesha is recognized as the patron of writers. Supposedly, according to one tale, Ganesha was charged with transcribing the Mahabharata (I think; please correct me if I'm wrong), and in order to continue writing after his pen broke he broke off one of his tusks. That sort of dedication to writing is something I strive to emulate, although I don't know if I've reached that point yet. However, I only discovered this fact after I started chanting the mantras.
So what compelled me to do so in the first place, and why Ganesha? There are a few more reasons behind this decision. Since Ganesha is also purported to be the Lord of Beginnings, I thought it would make sense, since I wish to go down the path of Hinduism and yoga, to start with Ganesha.
But I believe the biggest reason I was seeking Ganesha was because, I think, I was still in the process of seeking acceptance of myself. To explain: as I have stated before in this blog, before I started along the path of Hinduism and yoga, I was trying to find a way to validate my existence, get outside evidence that I deserve to exist, because at the time I thought I didn't deserve to. Ganesha appealed to me then because of his popularity and his...exoticism, for lack of a better term. I thought that if I could gain the acceptance of Ganesha, who is worshipped by so many and has an appearance that to me at the time seemed to embody the concept of the "other," the higher power that is higher in authority than my own humanity (or lack thereof), that I would finally have the evidence I sought.
Eventually, though, after the MY2011 conference, I realized that I wasn't really seeking Ganesha's acceptance; rather, I was seeking a way for me to accept myself. There were obstacles in the way of my self-acceptance...and maybe Ganesha removed them for me. Or perhaps he inspired me to remove them myself. Either way, I finally saw that my own self-persecution was at the source of many of the evils I was seeking to control.
I guess it took until just now to realize that it was Ganesha who got me to see myself for who I really am. For that, I am indebted to Ganesha...or maybe I am indebted to myself. I'm not sure. Perhaps the truth is that Ganesha was the vehicle for me to finally start believing in myself?