Thursday, August 25, 2011

On Confidence

I'm not sure what's been causing this, but I've grown more...bold in my everyday life recently. I know one significant way I've grown bolder happened recently when I basically had to stand up for myself to one of my best friends. While I won't go into details here, I will say that it took almost all of my willpower to do so. Ever since then, I've been thinking about the concept of confidence, that is how much I should believe in myself and how I should express such esteem.

For some reason I can't seem to figure out how to tread the middle path when it comes to self-esteem. I don't want to have the lows of self-esteem in the past, as during those times it took all my energy just to get up in the morning. At the same time, if I have too much self-esteem I turn into a jerk, or so I believe at any rate...there have been times I have been mean or a jerk, which I understand everyone is at some point in their lives, although as far as I can remember I've never been one intentionally. Still, I can't help but think that those times were the result of my having too much self-esteem.

Maybe that's not the case, but I still have a tendency to split this issue in two. However, as I've mentioned before, either side seems fraught with the delusion of independent existence, that is, believing myself to be that "beautiful and unique snowflake" I've mentioned in one of my early blog posts - whether I believe myself to be ultimate good or ultimate evil it ends up fueling the same type of delusion.

Finding just the right amount of self-confidence seems to be the key. But I can't seem to figure it out...I usually identify myself as a soft-hearted person, so I guess one reason is I'm afraid I'll turn into something I'm not? I don't know. I don't want to become so hardened to the world that I lose my soul. Yet at the same time I can't stay so soft-hearted that everything brings me down.

Why am I so blind to the Middle Path? I keep seeking it yet all I find is a vacillation between one extreme or the other. I need guidance...

1 comment:

  1. Nice post,
    many have this same problem, maybe you are too kind to people. The best thing to do is to react in the way that is spiritually good for yourself and them. Meaning if someone needs to know or learn a lesson (without violence of course) then help them learn.