Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I've Tried Everything

While I don't know who reads this blog regularly anymore, I do apologize for the lack of content over the past few weeks. I've been immersed in real life things, including other writing projects, some self-imposed.

I know life has its ups and downs. But...well, I've written about this before, but when I encounter a downer, I don't just feel down emotionally, I downright crash. And these emotional crashes can come from anything - a conflict I see happen in front of me between two people. A negative Facebook post or Internet article. Even an errant thought that pops into my head for no apparent reason. Any one of these can send me on that downward spiral. Once I get onto that downward slide, there's no going back up for quite some time.

I won't hesitate to say that these down periods are ruining my life. They can turn the happiest of days for me into the most crushing. They can turn me from happy-go-lucky and cheering up everyone around me into the negative vortex sucking everyone else down with me. They turn my smile upside down, quite literally.

I know everyone feels sad and depressed sometimes. But can't I just feel sad or depressed without going into hysterics and near-suicidal melancholia?

I've tried what seems like so many things in attempts to fight these abysmal lows. From medication to meditation, from diet change to exercise, it feels like I've tried everything. But nothing stops these pits from becoming bottomless.

The only solution I've been able to practice so far is avoidance - attempting to avoid that which can sink me. Unfortunately, that involves avoiding some of the lows necessary to live a productive, independent life.

Bruce Lee once said, "do not pray for an easy life; instead, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." Well, I've prayed for that strength, and it never showed up. I've tried to work for that strength, and it never showed up.

God(s), where is my strength? Can anyone answer?

Lord Ganesha?
Maa Saraswati?
Shri Hanuman?


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