Things have been going well in my personal life - opportunities abound for me to create and prosper. Things aren't perfect, but for once they're moving in a positive direction.
So why do I still feel this overwhelming sense of dread? Why am I still scared about what's going to happen next?
Well, there are plenty of reasons. They all have to do with the big picture. Environmental destruction and collapse, war, economic injustice, societal injustice, you name it. Then there are the people who point out my role in it all...and they usually say I'm guilty.
I certainly feel guilt a lot of the time for the life I lead. I know my choices in this matter are under my control. Still, I'm not perfect...it's one thing to want to completely alter my lifestyle for the good of the planet. It's another to actually do it.
Especially with the positive things going on in my life right now, I wonder...do I deserve any of them? In light of all the negativity so many people face as a result of how I live, is it really justified for me to be happy? Would things really be better if I just...threw it all away?
I honestly don't know the answer to these questions. And that's why I'm so afraid of the future I guess...it's probably an answer I don't want to hear.