Thursday, October 11, 2012

Where's My Strength?

Ugh. Day 1 of trying to go more vegetarian and I end up eating some very junky fast food at the end of the day. So much for this being easy...or perhaps it's a lack of willpower thing on my part, I don't know.

All I know is that my ability to handle stress seems to be weak. A day of heightened emotionality where I flip-flop between serenity and deep, dark despair more than a Presidential candidate flip-flops between issues, and I'm so stressed out I pig out on fried things.

What is with my inability to hold onto happiness? I have plenty to be happy about, yet that happiness can be robbed from me with one small event in a blink of an eye. And when that happens, I deal with it in the least constructive of ways, and that can vary, but mostly it's food.

When I have days like this, meditation sometimes doesn't seems like a chore at these times. I guess I'm a fair weather meditator in that I only seem to meditate when my ability to deal with stress is better. Ironic, but true. Then again, it's not like I can meditate during my work day.

My thought process is bouncing all over the place right now. That's why I'm so incoherent. But the bottom line is I need a way to handle my stress as it comes. I need a way to stop my negative emotions from running away with themselves when they come up. I need a way to stay happy! I need it because when I fall into negative emotion, I seem to sink so low so fast it's like something's pulling me down.

Anyone have any ideas?

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