The Origins of Bliss

For the past couple of days, I've been doing hour-long meditation
sessions. These sessions involve the Art of Living's Sudarshan Kriya
I've been taught, as well as chanting the Ganesha mantra "Om Gam
Ganapataye Namaha" for 216 repetitions (or two malas, one mala being
108 repetitions if I remember correctly). And I think they are
starting to pay off...

Today I felt like a million dollars...I felt, as one of my friends
described when she felt similarly, as a vessel to be filled with love.
I never felt this good for this long before...nothing seemed to be
able to faze me. Although that is perhaps because I am better able to
shut disturbances out of my mind. I know a better thing to do would be
to confront what upsets me (for example, political issues), but in the
meantime, everyday things that would have upset me just seemed
to...fade away. I feel so good right now it's like I'll spontaneously
combust or something!

I'm not entirely sure why I feel this good...perhaps I have gained
Ganesha's attention somehow. Maybe even the other Gods. But whatever
is the cause...I hope I can replicate it. I feel the want for more of
this spiritual energy. I want to progress, evolve, whatever you want
to call it...maybe it's a selfish desire, but I could want far worse
things. I feel so alive, and I want to imbibe in and then share that
joy...

My friend told me later that this newfound bliss is here because I've
discovered that I myself can be a source of joy for myself, and that
I've discovered I can tap into this source whenever I want. I'm...not
so sure...I think it'll be a while before I truly can tap into this
internal source on demand. Furthermore, if it truly came from within,
how come I had to call upon Ganesha to bring it out? It's still a bit
confusing to me...

All I know is that meditation has become fun and blissful for me. It
is now something I feel motivated to do for my spiritual wealth.

Keeping it Real...So to Speak

It's been a while, I know. This time, though, I have a valid excuse: I
was in the hospital. Had an infection in a rather sensitive area, and
that's all I want to say about it.

It was quite the ordeal, and it involved a lot of pain, but thankfully
right now I'm on the mend. However, during my hospital stay, I did
notice one thing: spirituality and meditation were the furthest things
from my mind. No, I wasn't cursing God or blaming God or anything like
that, I just...couldn't think of God. It seemed as if I had more
pressing things to worry about, which I guess in a way I did; I had to
get better after all. Still, my inattention to spirituality during
that period may alarm some...it startled me, at least.

I have tried to make up for it by meditation after I got home. Just
today I chanted "Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha" for about 30 minutes, a new
record for me, I think. Still, I'm not sure if my inattention to
spirituality during my hospital stay was good or bad. I didn't turn to
faith to heal me, nor did I curse faith...I'm just not sure what to
make of it. Is this a healthy perspective, or was I wrong to not think
of faith during my ordeal?

Spiritual ADD

(ADD from the post title in this case means Attention Deficit Disorder. No offense intended towards those who suffer from ADD, but there's a reason I'm referencing it.)

It appears my life has settled into a comfortable groove...nothing too out of the ordinary has happened recently. I know that is good because nothing bad has happened, and I want to keep that negativity out of my life. But is it too much to ask for a significant positive event?

I know there will be one eventually, but still, my mind is craving new input. New sensory experiences. New positive feelings. At the moment it just feels like my life is at a standstill. Like I'm stuck in second gear or something like that. There doesn't seem to be forward momentum going for me. I just know there's got to be more to life than this.

Maybe I'm just being greedy, craving more of a bang out of my life...I know I'm one person who freaks out when it comes to change, but can't I have a good change come my way soon? Something to shake up my everyday routine in a positive way?

It's like right now, I'm...spiritually bored.

Maybe there is something I can do to help myself, but I don't know what that is...perhaps that is why I feel stuck, not knowing what to do to lift myself out of this rut.

But what can I do? I don't know where to begin...

Keeping This Up

As I write this right now, I feel incredibly thankful to God(s). Although I am under the weather at present with some kind of mild virus or other, I still feel so much more emotionally uplifted than before. I guess it really is all in the breath as the Art of Living teaches us.

There is a small part of me, though, that is afraid this might not last - I know as far as emotional satisfaction and stability it really is all in the mind. And as for training the mind, that is where the Sudarshan Kriya that I learned from the Art of Living comes in. The point I'm getting at, though, is how to maintain a discipline where I keep doing it.

I know meditation is an art that one has to want to do; I found it to be literally impossible to force oneself to meditate. So how do I keep that want going? I try to keep doing it regularly, but I admit some days it just seems more trouble than it's worth. My mind knows it's important, but yet it just doesn't want to cooperate on certain days.

Maybe one reason for this is that I get bored easily. Perhaps I need to change and vary it some days, but how? I still want to do it right, so how do I keep things interesting while still honoring the traditions I follow?

If the audience has any advice, please share it. :)

The Beginning of a Metamorphosis?

I'm not sure what is causing this, but I feel a miracle is happening within me...

Ever since I started the new inhaler I was prescribed for my newly-diagnosed asthma, I've been feeling...wonderful. My mood has improved, my anxiety has gone down, even my previously high blood sugars are starting to become more reasonable. This is incredible.

I don't know for sure what is causing this. Maybe it was the Pradosham service I went to last Saturday at the Hindu Temple of Rochester. Maybe it really is all in the breath, as the Art of Living foundation teaches us, and the inhaler is allowing me to actually breathe for the first time. I honestly don't know what to attribute this new found power to.

All I can say right now is I hope it continues. I feel more blessed than ever right now and I feel like I'm transforming. Into who or what, I cannot say, because I don't know. But for once, the future never looked so bright...

Perfection in Imperfection

Add another chronic illness to my repertoire of conditions - asthma. Or at least I'm led to believe I have asthma. Some initial tests revealed nothing out of the ordinary, but then later on my doctor prescribed an inhaler and told me to come back in for a follow-up appointment. This sucks...quite literally.

I expressed to some of my friends my feeling that this was a punishment by the universe for some slight I have done (though I have no idea which one), and although they have reassured me it is not, for some reason the idea still lingers. Perhaps it is because I'm not the best at caring for myself, as I mentioned in my last post. I know no one is perfect in caring for themselves, but...well, what's it take, huh? And why can't I find the strength to do what it takes?

Perhaps it is this frustration with myself that inspired me to do something that was formerly outside of my comfort zone today: I attended an actual service at the Hindu Temple of Rochester today, the Pradosham. I admit I had much anxiety about attending it today, but that anxiety turned into calm during the service. And I think I know why.

If I remember correctly, the purpose of the Pradosham is to cleanse oneself of negative karma. Maybe the reason I felt drawn to this particular service is to remind myself that I don't need to be perfect...that since no one is perfect, everyone can be equal in the eyes of God(s). And that even if I can't take perfect care of myself, I can still be a decent, genuinely human being.

I did enjoy the service, yes, but it took until just now to realize why I wanted to go to this service in particular. It is because I was taught something by it: as long as I am sincere, I do not need to regret anything!

Ganesha's Blessing?

According to one of my friends, the Hindu holiday period of Sri Ganesh Chaturthi began yesterday. The Hindu Temple of Rochester held an event in observation of it, and I really wanted to attend...but unfortunately, I was unable to, because of my lack of a car. (I've never owned a car of my own, sadly.) Still, my friend simply said to "meditate on him [Ganesha]." If these days are auspicious to the followers of Ganesha...then maybe the effects are starting to become apparent in my recent life. Both positive and negative happenings have occurred recently, and for some reason I keep thinking it's all connected to this holiday. I can't say for sure, though, but perhaps I could be right. After all, the two major positives I can report can be symbolic of abundance:

• The freelance writing assignments have been pouring in, especially those related to video game journalism. I've gotten no less than four assignments in recent days about video games, and all have come with free games! (Provided I review them, of course.) I can't say what games, but the fact I've gotten four is impressive - I must be doing something right.
• I'm helping out with getting another Art of Living course set up here in Rochester. Nothing concrete has come up as of yet, but if all goes well, I might be able to get this course set up practically right next to where I live!

It's all very interesting...ever since I became interested in Hinduism, yoga, and its associated spirituality I've been thinking differently about things. More specifically, the age-old "coincidences" question; whether or not the things that have happened in my life could ever be considered coincidences. I know I've asked to be "hit over the head with something" in my last blog post, and maybe this is a mild bop on the head. Who knows? Still, it's all fascinating.