How "Misery Bear" Reminded Me of the Nature of Happiness

Watch "The Teddynator" on YouTube

This might sound weird to some, but the above video really spoke to me on the nature of happiness. Yes, it's very comedic in nature, but it still makes some good points, I believe, on how to be happy. Before I go on, I will request those reading this post to watch the video first.

Watched it? Good. Now I will proceed.

Believe me, there have been some times when I wish happiness was as easy as hooking up a machine to one's person and enjoying happiness at the flip of a switch. That's probably what motivates some people, including myself, to take antidepressants. However, as I've discovered, happiness is never that easy. That's not to say antidepressants don't help some people - in my case, while they don't make me happy, I've found they keep my mood stable so I'm less likely to suffer abysmal emotional lows. But again, they don't make me happy, because happiness isn't that simple.

It could be inferred from the video that happiness, or at least the potential to be happy, comes from within. After all, Misery Bear was disappointed in the lack of results from the machine, until the new him literally showed up. To me, it's a metaphor that we all have happiness potential within ourselves. The thing is, it can be a struggle to bring out that happiness within us, as evidenced by Misery Bear's new self turning out to be a robot trying to kill him. Again, I regard that as a symbol that happiness can only emerge once we know ourselves. We all have internal demons to conquer, and happiness is the reward for overcoming them. I know I'd certainly feel better about myself if I successfully took down a robot version of myself trying to kill me!

Thankfully I don't have to fight a robot. To know what truly makes me happy, I have yoga. And I'm talking about the full spectrum of it, not just the asanas (though they help as exercise). This is the purpose of yoga, I believe: to help us overcome our deficiencies that prevent our happiness. I'm not saying yoga will work for everyone, but it's worked for me, so I thankfully don't have to literally fight an evil version of myself! The bottom line is we need some way of knowing ourselves so we know how to dig deep inside for that happiness, so we don't have to rely on external conditions for it.

Although if anyone does see a robotic version of me out there, try to be careful around it. ;-)

Bhagavad Gita Discussion: Chapter 3

I know I said I would read the Bhagavad Gita and discuss my interpretations...and I won't let you down! So here at last, after what must've been an insufferably long time, are my thoughts on Chapter 3, which is on the topic of karma.

I have to admit - this chapter was a difficult one for me to read. I wasn't upset by any of it, it was just so dense and full of meaning (sometimes appearing contradictory to me at first) that it's hard for me to make heads or tails of it. Nonetheless, I shall make an attempt.

To me, this chapter seems to elaborate upon two key concepts as they relate to performing actions and the karma associated with them: mindfulness, and detachment. One thing this chapter says right away that I can definitely agree with is that we need to perform actions, we need to do things; in other words, we are born into this life to live it. There is no use shuttering away oneself from life's experiences, because they're the only way one can learn. Which brings me to one point I've just thought of in this regard, and that is one reason why we suffer: in the event we inflict it on others (sadly, we can't avoid it completely, sometimes it happens quite by accident), our suffering of the same event gives us an idea of what we've done. For example, I saw on this one TV show the process some police officers go through to get certified to use a taser, and part of it involves getting shot with a taser, so the officer knows how it feels! The idea is that it will (hopefully) encourage police to only use tasers when the situation really requires it. So in the event we do something to someone else, and haven't experienced it ourselves, karma makes sure that happens to us in one way or another. I think that is also why this chapter talks about the senses and mastery over them, in other words mindfulness. The senses are there to teach us what experience and action feel like, so therefore they aren't the end-all-be-all of existence. The senses are important, but we control our actions, not the senses.

That brings me to the next aspect of this chapter: detachment. I understand the principle of detachment and its benefits, as it can lead to altruism and selflessness. But there is the other side of the coin, where detachment can be used for evil. For example, if you're completely detached from the results of action, then one could conceivably do very bad things - what would stop you from committing murder if you weren't attached to the result? Ditto with doing things in the name of God: for every Mother Teresa there's an Osama bin Laden. (And yes, I know all religions, including Christianity, have infamous figures who have committed crimes against humanity in the name of religion. Osama bin Laden was just the easiest one I could think of.)

So if one's not supposed to be attached to the results of action, how does one know what's good and what's evil? That, I believe, is why Krishna invoked following the example of gurus. Gurus are supposed to be models in this regard, as Krishna himself said that if he were to partake in evil action, society would follow suit and collapse, etc. But again this can be problematic - many people who proclaim themselves as a guru of some sort all have different ideas as to what's good and what's evil. How do you know which gurus are good and which ones just want to brainwash their followers to commit evil for them?

The answer to that question, I believe, lies in self knowledge. Krishna invoked that aspect of being as a way of telling us to ultimately follow what our own experiences tell us is good or evil. That knowledge of self is supposed to tell one who to follow in action - that to know who is a true guru for oneself, one has to know oneself first.

There was a lot to sift through in chapter three...it took some considerable effort to come up with those conclusions and then connect the dots, so to speak. However, I hope my interpretation at least makes sense - chime in the Comments section with what you think, as always.

Faltering, Failing, Falling Away?

I know I'm not perfect, but oftentimes it seems the world keeps demanding me to be such. All I can do is improve, but even so it seems I've reached my limit, a plateau.

I've done better with controlling my diabetes, but even so, I've faltered with diet on occasion. I've tried to be a better person socially, but I've seemed to have failed with that. Even with my meditation and prayers to Lord Ganesha, it seems as if my dedication is falling away. Am I doing better? Yes, better emotionally than I have in a long time. Still, it seems as if the improvements I've made to my life are too little, too late. That fact threatens to erode all I've worked for so far.

It is in a time like this, I wonder...what is it that I have to offer the world? Why has God not made me perfect, so I can better contribute to the world? What could the world possibly have to gain from my flawed being? I honestly do not know the answer to that question.

Is the world asking too much of me, or am I asking too much of the world? What is my role or place in it all? It seems in light of my repeated mistakes and failings of moral character and willpower the answers to all of my questions of existence grow ever more distant.

I wish and pray for some sort of sign, something that will tell me that even the way I am now is of some benefit to the universe. Problem is, I wouldn't know such a sign unless it was blatantly obvious and metaphorically slapped me in the face. Or perhaps my mind is too much like a sieve and I keep forgetting something I've discovered already, I don't know.

I keep questing, but I keep stumbling. I know I'm on the right path, but I don't think I have the stamina to walk it.

My thoughts keep bouncing to and fro. But my overall question remains: why am I imperfect in a world that seeks perfection from me?

Feeling My World Shake

Something gripped me today when I did my meditation and Ganesha mantra-chanting - fear.

As you can imagine, it's a bit of an unusual sensation to have when meditating, but it happened because as I was chanting the Ganesha mantra, near the end of 108 repetitions I suddenly heard this loud, deep "OM" outside my window. It seemed loud enough to shake the room!

I kept on chanting, even past 108 repetitions, as I seemed to become fearful and anxious after hearing the loud "OM." I was hoping the chanting would calm me down, and it did. But still, hearing this sound as I was chanting...I don't know what to make of it. What happened, exactly? Was this supposed to be something positive? A negative omen? Just some random sound I heard that I'm just mistaking for something supernatural? I have no idea...

Meditation is supposed to be a positive experience, this I know. I still have positive experiences with meditation every time. That's why this is so unusual. I know I've been doing good things lately, such as my writing about the local community, which I can post links if desired. So why do I feel fearful with this?

If anyone knows what this could mean, please tell me.

Ganesha Saves

"Save me from myself if you ever really cared
Save me from myself, tell me you're not scared"
--Damageplan, "Save Me"

This isn't the first time I've quoted the band Damageplan in this blog - they are quite good, as short lived as they were, being the last band of legendary guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott before his untimely death in 2004. But I'm not just plugging them in this blog post, as I'm quoting them for a reason.

What's the reason? It has to do with a lesson that's taken me this long to realize: that if I am to save anyone else, I have to stop waiting for someone to save me and start saving myself. While I could say, in light of recent blog posts, that Lord Ganesha was the one who saved me from myself, one could also say He was the one who taught me the above maxim as well.

To elaborate: those readers who have stuck with this blog have seen my lamentations for the state of America, the world, and whatever negative role I play in it as a white male American citizen. The desire to change my role has been there, but the mental toolbox to do it with wasn't. I kept criticizing myself, as you have been witness to, for my inability to "save them all," as one commentator so eloquently put it. (Thanks for commenting, by the way. :-)  )

I'm not quite sure what it was that motivated me to finally start saving and improving myself, but one other thing I've learned is that for other people to be saved - for the world to be saved - they have to want to be saved. It is my belief that is one thing I've gotten out of a recent satsang hosted by Art of Living guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. (You can find said satsang at http://www.artofliving.org/us-en/our-lives-should-be-rhythmic-and-harmonious if you like.)

In that satsang Sri Sri mentions the problems currently faced by India, and what must be done to counter them. He also mentioned one disparaging fact about America that is, sadly, true, at least to my knowledge: that only about a quarter of our population usually votes when election time comes. But what do those two things have to do with each other? Well, one other thing that Sri Sri mentioned in that satsang is that voting in India these days is often decided along lines of caste, social status, and religious beliefs rather than who an individual voter actually believes will genuinely help things. (Of course, the same thing could be said about America, except the caste system of India doesn't apply.)

There is a point I'm getting at with all of this. In one movie on Mahatma Gandhi that I saw part of at one point, Gandhi is in prison talking to a British Christian priest who wants to help him. When the priest asks how he can help, Gandhi replies he can best help by accepting a transfer assignment and leaving India. Gandhi elaborates that the Indian independence movement "needs to be won by Indians." When I first saw that scene, I was initially upset at it - I thought it was implying people like me wouldn't ever be able to help such movements by nature of who we are born as.

Thinking about it now, however, I think I recognize the true message of that scene - in that particular instance, Gandhi was trying to get across that the people of India have to genuinely want their freedom, and that the British couldn't simply give it to them.

In the same vein, I want to help change things in America and the world, but, well, the world has to want my help first. And seeing as I'm not Superman and can't save the world single-handedly, I can understand that America and the world don't want my help...or my help alone, anyway. At the same time, I've been wanting help all this time, and now I have it from Lord Ganesha...except it wasn't the help I expected.

Lord Ganesha essentially taught me that He couldn't give me the self-improvement I was seeking - I had to take it from Him. And I did. Hence, He saved me...because He taught me how to save myself.

Heh...I know this isn't the most articulate blog post in the world, with my thought process wandering all over the place like that. But it's 3:49 AM as of the time I'm writing this. So I better get some sleep. :-)

A Vision?

Something interesting happened yesterday evening...something I was hoping to get some input about. Hopefully you readers will have some!

Around this time yesterday evening, I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but it was something mundane. Then, suddenly, an image of Ganesha's head forced its way into my mind. I say forced for lack of a better term; however I wasn't thinking of Ganesha at the time, or anything spiritual if I remember. But I knew this wasn't an ordinary wandering thought - I could tell because this image of Ganesha's head was present in my vision without me having to actively think of it. I could see it very clearly, and attempts to dismiss the image didn't work - I closed my eyes and opened them again, but the image persisted. It was like an image burn on my retina, sort of - you know how old cathode ray tube monitors got image burns that lingered on the monitor even after it turned off? Like that.

The image disappeared after a few seconds, but I can remember clearly what it was like. Using Google image search to try to find an approximation for you readers without having to resort to vague text, the closest resemblance I could find is located at the bottom of this blog post.

Of course, I'm not sure what this means, otherwise I wouldn't be asking my readers for input. Also, I know I sound crazy...I don't know how to prove that I had this vision to you all. But hopefully you readers trust me enough to know that I'm not making this up.

The Time is Right to Fight

(Apologies to Atari Teenage Riot for shamelessly quoting their song "Deutschland Has Gotta Die" for the title of this blog post. Anyway...)

After requesting help from one of my Art of Living friends, at their suggestion, I met with someone else today to talk about my diabetes. (For those that don't know, I have Type II diabetes.) This person has lived with diabetes for at least 10 years, and so he has given me advice that has worked for him...but what's unusual this time is that while this is advice I've heard before, for some reason I feel as if I can actually internalize it and use it. I'm not sure why. That's why I titled this blog post like I did, because for some reason, the time just feels right for me to take on my diabetes head on.

Perhaps it's because this time I have measurable goals and time frames set up. Maybe it's because I'm motivated to make this my singular focus, and not let anything else phase me. (That is, I don't let failures in my other goals for life get to me, because right now my diabetes is what I have to focus on.) But somehow, it feels like I can do this now.

Admittedly, this new focus requires me to at least temporarily adopt some dietary practices that might not be conducive to my explorations of Hinduism - I'm going low-carb for this, and going low-carb in this society, at least with the kind of life I lead, requires a meat-centered diet. But I think for the sake of improving my health, so I can live longer, and thus devote more time later to studying the Hindu faith and adapting to it, God(s) can forgive me. After all, it's not like I have to go low-carb forever, and getting my diabetes under control now will lead to a healthier mind and soul, so I can be a better person, right? :-)

I think Ganesha can forgive me going low-carb now for the sake of living longer later. Perhaps after I get my diabetes under better control I can go vegetarian. Regardless, I'm doing some Ganesha mantra chanting tonight to get started properly. ;-)