These past few days have been weird. How so? They seem to have the extremes of positivity and negativity in them...and I can't seem to figure out if I am doing something right, wrong, or both, or if it's just stuff happening. There are supposedly no coincidences, as karma is constantly in play, or so I've heard. But right now I can't figure out what I'm doing that's causing what.
First, there is the punishment side...and mainly it's been in the form of being under the weather the past few days. I won't get into the gory details, but my feeling like crud has been the reason I haven't felt like doing any meditation or pranayama (breathing techniques that I learned from that Art of Living course) routines as of late. Thing is, health-wise I haven't done anything out of the ordinary. Sure, my diet hasn't been ideal but it's not like I was binge-eating or doing anything else absurd like that. Maybe I just got sick off of something? Hard to tell.
However, there have been blessings as well. My writing seems to be going places! With any luck, hopefully one of my blog posts will show up on yoga/lifestyle website Elephant Journal sometime soon. (Which is kind of amazing in light of the fact of my chanting a Ganesha mantra during meditation! Surely it's a blessing from Ganesha? Elephant Journal doesn't seem like a coincidence there...) I've been getting more freelance newspaper work as well. And I even felt inspired enough to dip my big toe into the world of independent video game development. (More on that in a future post.)
It's all very strange to me - strange in the sense that there would be these pleasures fused with this pain. I'm aware of the concept of karma, but oftentimes karma doesn't line up with my expectations. Sure, I know how to learn, but when it's not spelled out for me how am I supposed to learn it? How am I supposed to figure out what I'm doing right or wrong if I'm not hit over the head with the result (figuratively speaking)? That is, how can I learn if I can't figure out which action led to which result?
If the universe is supposed to make sense...I need that sense knocked into me.